He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
