so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we're making bets on your personal life
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i've created a new STD.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
