someone threw a dead crab at me
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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