he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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