I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
