Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I am naked and annoyed.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
