Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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