its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
