first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
