Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
