idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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