please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
