look no pants
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Sorry about my life...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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