Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
