all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
