I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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