I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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