Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Sext me about skeletons
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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