I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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