Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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