Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
