Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
