My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
