you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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