also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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