im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
