If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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