i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
