My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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