I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
