I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
