His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
