I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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