I'm so fucking centered right now
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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