her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
