and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
