I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
50% drunk capacity currently
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
