i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Randomize
