Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
