woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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