He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
His nipple licking is glorious
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