You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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