I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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