Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
