Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
