Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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