I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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