My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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