If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
