I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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