Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
