The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
