So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
