I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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