I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
