This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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